


you don't need abs to play quidditch

by Anonymous



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Belly Kink, Body Worship, Chubby James Potter, First War with Voldemort, Fluff, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Insecurity, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Past James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Some Body Shaming, Stuffing, Weight Gain, Weight Gain Kink, Weight Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:27:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28538814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: After sustaining a quidditch injury that leaves him pretty much house bound, James gets a bit carried away with his newfound freedom from the strict diet and exercise regime of a professional quidditch player. But when it all comes crashing down around him, Sirius is there to pick up the pieces.
Relationships: Sirius Black/James Potter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 78
Collections: Anonymous





	you don't need abs to play quidditch

**Author's Note:**

> This is a WG Kink fic. If that doesn't sound like your kind of thing, this fic might not be for you. But if it does, hope you enjoy it!

It was afternoon by the time James finally pushed himself out bed. To be fair he had gone to bed rather late in the first place. He had been up late beating a muggle video game, the Temple of Apshai this time, it had been brilliant. Even if it had been for the fourth time.

Remus had been kind enough to set up a muggle video game consul in the living room when James complained that he was bored being practically bedridden after his quidditch injury. Muggles may be a weird bunch, but they were sure good at inventing diverting time wasters.

James threw yesterdays robes on over his underwear and used his crutches to stumble out into the living room. As expected, Sirius was already there, sipping tea at their small cramped dining table. James ran his eyes hungry over Sirius’s long limbs and slender torso. Sirius Black was objectively stunning, and James figured if anyone should be allowed it enjoy it, it should be his best mate/roommate. At least James reasoned until Sirius got his act together and started dating one of his myriad of admirers, James’s heart sunk at bit at that thought. But, he bolstered himself, that hadn’t happened so his favorite activity of Sirius watching was still fair game.

James wasn’t disappointed. Sirius was already fully dressed, all in muggle clothes. His long legs were clad in faded demin that stuck so tight to his slender thighs it should be illegal, he had a button up shirt on with top few buttons undone that allowed James a good look at his frankly sinful chest. His long black hair was artfully mussed and there a was soft crease between two perfect eyebrows as he studied the newspaper.

James sat heavily in the chair across from his friend.

“Morning.” Sirius said, folding down the corner of the newspaper he was adsorbed in to greet him. James should be angry about how unfairly good he looked after getting home from an Order mission after two last night, but he wasn’t.

“Not hardly.” James said, jerking his head to clock over hanging their messy living room that clearly read after midday.

“Eh, it’s still morning in spirit until at least 2 pm.” Sirius shrugged and returned to his newspaper.

James snorted. This was why he loved Sirius, he was completely ridiculous in all the right ways.

James waved his wand and a carton of eggs, packet of bacon, tin of baked beans and bag of frozen hashbrowns came zooming out the fridge and started preparing themselves. James’s mother had been rather concerned when he moved out and had been diligent about ensuring James had all the necessary domestic spells to see him through. Learning them had been a complete bore at the time, but now that James could conduct a Full English to cook itself without even leaving his chair, he was properly grateful. He should send her some flowers or something, he thought vaguely.

Within minutes the scent from the kitchen was heavenly, James stomach rumbled enthusiastically. James summoned a glass of milk to calm it until the meal was ready. He would usually drink directly from the carton, but Sirius was like right there and it seemed to be a bit rude to directly violate house rules in front of him, even if it seemed unlikely Sirius would call him on it. Ever since his injury, Sirius had been particularly protective, which was saying something given how protective he was on a regular basis, but nowadays he seemed unwilling than ever to call James on his bullshit, not that James was complaining.

Breakfast made, he floated the full plate over with his wand. James cringed a bit at the amount of food there. Perhaps he had gone a bit overboard. That was happening to him a bit lately.

“Want any?” James asked Sirius.

“Nah, already had breakfast, but thanks.”

James rolled his eyes. Sirius’s breakfast was more than likely a piece of toast with a tiny splash of marmalade. But whatever made him happy.

James dug in. It was perfect, even if he did say so himself. His mum’s charms always worked a treat, he should definitely send flowers. The bacon rashers were perfectly crunchy, the scrambled eggs almost sodden with cream and feta cheese, the hash browns were heart stopping greasy and the baked beans well they were just to make it somewhat healthy. He was mildly surprised when his knife and folk scrapped an empty plate, he guessed he hadn’t gone that overboard after all.

He shifted in his seat, even with the roominess of his billowing robes, his belly felt uncomfortably packed. After a moment of unsuccessful squirming he decided to make his way to the couch. Using crutches on a full stomach was always a bit of a challenge so thankfully Sirius put down his paper and got up to help him over so James didn’t have to bother.

James groaned slightly as he leant back into their threadbare but enormously comfortable couch. He ran a hand comfortingly over his belly trying to sooth its arching fullness. Sirius plopped down in the seat across from him resuming reading his paper.

James flicked on the television for something to do, watching some random sit com or another. He wasn’t really paying attention. As usual after one of his larger fry ups he was starting to feel a bit sleepy. He continued to rub the distended orb of his belly grateful when he managed a dislodge burp to easing the packed feeling. Usually he wouldn’t do this in front of other people, but James spent so much of his time in Sirius’s presence over the years that it practically felt like being by himself anyway, just much more fun.

Slowly his discomfort eased, and James felt able to reach forward to grab his remote and start playing at his video game again. His belly still felt unfairly bloated as it brushed the top of his thighs when he reached over. James frowned at the sensation.

He was aware he had probably put on a couple of pounds given his sudden forced inactivity. It wasn’t the first time he had got a little extra covering over his usually flat stomach. Over the winter break in forth year when he had been temporary suspended for the Gryffindor quidditch team due to a prank that went disastrously wrong and Sirius had been forbidden from visiting, had put on a good 5 pounds over 3 weeks gorging on his mother’s cooking to comfort himself. Similar thing happened in the summer over his seventh year when Sirius had moved into his own place and James had been bored out of his mind, he’d put on almost 10 pounds that time, laying around the house eating icelollies and biscuits. Of course, both times he had lost it all pretty quickly again the minute he was back into quidditch training.

So even if he had put on a few, while lazing around the house waiting for his leg injury to heal, he wasn’t actually that concerned.

With a contented smile, he begun the game again. One level in and Sirius was getting ready to leave for an Order meeting.

James pouted as Sirius dropped a kiss on his head as a goodbye.

Sirius laughed. “I’ll see you for dinner at Wormtail’s in a few hours yeah?”

“Yeah.” James responded still feeling put out. He hadn’t been able to participate in Order activities since his injury and it was starting to wear on him.

“Just enjoy your game.”

James sighed. “It’s getting boring.”

Sirius favored him with a fond look. “I’ll see if Moony can get you another.”

That perked James up a bit. “Thanks, see if he can get me another racing one, I like those.”

Sirius gave him an indulgent smile before stepping out the door. Soon after, James heard the telltale crack of apparition signaling Sirius’s departure. James flopped back into the cushions of the couch. He didn’t like that his friends were out their risking their lives while he was stuck at home feeling useless.

James flicked the game off and decided to watch some tv instead, muggle daytime tv could be pretty entertaining. He summoned some snacks from the kitchen and was pleased to find Sirius had replaced some of his favorites. He sucked down happily on a sugar quill as he started to watch.

After the program ended James was a little surprised to find he had eaten the entire packet of sugar quills alongside a large number of chocolate frogs and his stomach was feeling a bit tender again from all the snacks. James shook his head and banished the rest of the food back to the kitchen, he needed to make sure he still had some room for dinner at Peter’s place. Peter’s mum always made the most incredible pasta dishes. As full as he was James couldn’t help a letting out a soft groan at the prospect of the evening’s meal.

He sat through another program sans snacks, laying on his back and rubbing his stomach to aid the digestion. After that program had ended, he glanced at the time. Just enough to have a shower and not be late.

+++

James was thoroughly regretting swapping his robes for his tan muggle trousers and a t-shirt.

He had decided to dress in the muggle fashion as he knew Lily was coming tonight, and his on-again / off-again girlfriend had always liked him best in muggle clothes. Lily and he were currently not dating but it was only a matter of time before they got back together. Plus, he liked to tease her a bit during these off-again times so by the time they came back together she would be really eager.

However, he had somehow forgotten that muggle clothes were much less forgiving and Mrs Pettigrew’s pasta had been really good. James squirmed uncomfortably in his seat, running a finger between his packed belly and the unforgiving waist band of his trousers. They had been a bit tighter than expected when James had shuffled into them that evening, but now after two helpings of Mrs Pettigrew’s famous marinara they felt like they were actually threatening to split him in two.

James quickly checked that no one was looking in his direction and popped open the top button. The relief was instantaneous and wonderful. James pulled down his shirt to cover his now open fly.

“Excellent fare, Wormtail.” He announced.

Peter beamed at the praise.

“You looked like you certainly enjoyed it.” Lily said from across the table.

“Sure did.” James replied with a charming smile.

“Would you like some more? There’s heaps left.” Peter asked politely.

“Please.” James said, holding out his plate.

Peter scuttled over to pro-offered plate taking it to the kitchen.

Across the table Lily was shaking her head at him.

“What?” He asked.

“You’re really just going to let this happen?” Lily’s question was directed to the left of him where Sirius was lounging in his own chair in his usual spot by James’s side.

“He’s not my bloody keeper.” James said, incensed, before Sirius could respond.

James was happy when Wormtail came back with his plate, now with a mountain of delicious pasta on it. “Thanks, Wormy.”

James tried to enjoy his meal, but he could still feel Lily’s eyes boring into him.

“Alright, what?” James said, annoyed. “You obviously have something to say, so out with it.”

Lily’s face did that thing where she was fighting with herself as to whether to do something or not. “Alright I will say something, seeing as all your other friends are bloody enablers.”

James glared, he hated it when she brought his friends into their fights, especially when they were all right there. It was rude.

“I think you should slow down with the food. You’re hoping to play in the professional quidditch league once you recover so I think it would be sensible not to overdo it. More than you already have that is.”

James gaped at her. There was complete silence. He looked around at his friends, confused as to why they were not jumping in to defend him. Remus was taking great pains not to meet either of their eyes, Peter had shrunk so low in his chair he had practically hidden his face under the table. Sirius was glaring at Lily, so at least that was something, but he was still suspiciously silent.

_Fine_ , James thought, _I will just defend myself then_.

“Calm down Lils. I am just enjoying my time off, as soon as I start training again it will drop off again.” James said confidently. “This isn’t my first rodeo. I know what I am doing.”

Lily gave him an unfairly exasperated look. “Quidditch training is hardly going to shed the pounds.”

“Yes, it will.”

“Quidditch is not a real sport, it doesn’t burn enough calories to do that.” Lily said.

And really that was just going too far. When they did get back together James was going to have to have a long talk with that girl about the importance of the most noble and excellent sport of quidditch.

“First of all, how dare you! Quidditch is not only a real sport, it is _the_ sport!” James said punctuating his point with a wave of his fork. Lily rolled her eyes, but James continued. “And yes, it will, it has always in the past.”

Lily glared at him. “If I remember correctly, and I do, it was a growth spurt that saved you in seventh year. I hardly think that is reasonable option this time.”

“It was not.” James said moodily. He had completely forgotten about his growth spurt in his last year of Hogwarts that had finally, after two years of looking up, brought him level with his best friend. Now there was barely an inch in height between them.

“Fine then, stay deluded.” Lily said. “But keep in mind I will be saying I told you so if you ever come crying to me.”

“Not bloody likely.” James muttered under his breath poking at this food. Suddenly the plate of pasta in front of James didn’t look that appealing.

James snubbed his friends not even bothering to say goodbye before he floo-ed home, they were all a bunch of traitors. He didn’t even bother waiting for Sirius to follow him home through the floo network just disappearing into his bedroom with a slam of his bedroom door (which was rather harder to do than he expected with his crutches).

The minute he was alone in his room, he took off those blasted pants. Which was even harder than putting them on had been, as he kept inadvertently jostling and knocking his full stomach. Finally, free he lay back in his bed and tried to relax.

Without his shirt and pants his belly did look rather large. A round mound of stretched tan skin. Most of that was bloat he expected, but still. He gave it a cautious rub. It was mostly hard packed with the delicious dinner and the afternoon snacks he had had. But as he rubbed lower he noted his lower belly was still a bit soft and flabby.

As often happened after a couple of glasses of wines and a good meal, James felt himself start to get hard. He shifted his hand lower and started to absentmindedly stroke himself. He tried at first to think of Lily, her vibrant hair, her small perfect breasts, but he was still too angry with her to really get going. He let his mind slide to Sirius instead.

He tried not to think of Sirius when wanking, unless he was really drunk and couldn’t help it. He had had a few glasses of Goblin Dan’s finest wine, so maybe it was ok on this occasion. James groaned and his dick twitched as he thought of Sirius’s dark hair falling elegantly into his eyes. He thought of the exposed line of Sirius’s neck when he made him laugh; of Sirius’s long limbs and the boneless way he draped himself over furniture; of the open shirt collar of Sirius’s shirt from that morning. Suddenly he was coming.

As he flicked his wand to clean up the mess off, he noticed even slightly propped up against his pillows his bloated belly still completely obstructed his view of his dick. He frowned. Maybe a very small fraction of what Lily said might be true. He settled himself under the covers and decided starting tomorrow, he would be a bit more careful of what he ate.

+++

The next morning he was met with a note on the kitchen bench and no Sirius. The details of the note were scant indicating that it was another Order mission Sirius had been sent on. He scowled, he of all people knew how good Sirius was but he wished Dumbledore would give him a rest every once in a while.

True to his promise last night, James forwent his usual Full English for two slices of buttered toast and a banana. He morosely chewed his toast conscious of the fact he was looking at a miserable day alone by himself, even the thought of the new video game Remus had given him last night didn’t cheer him. Unbidden the thought he had had yesterday suddenly returned him. Yes, that was it! He could bring his mother flowers and visit his parents. He returned to his meager breakfast with more enthusiasm.

Euphemia was suitability thrilled to see him and hugged and fussed over him for a full 10 minutes before he could even pass over the flowers he had conjured before stepping through the floo.

“Oh, they are just darling, James. You really do have a deft hand with a daffodil. Come on, I’ll find a vase for them in the kitchen.”

James beamed under his mother’s praise and followed her into the large air kitchen.

Euphemia precured a vase and set the flowers lovingly on the bench. She followed up by grabbing generous jug of homebrewed butterbeer and a plate of biscuits. It was a lovely day, so they sat outside in the sunshine.

James tried to avoid the biscuits best he could, but he couldn’t help having a couple of glasses of the ice-cold butterbeer.

“This is heavenly mum. Even better than the Three Broomsticks!” James enthused, pouring himself another glass. “What do you do to it?”

Euphemia smiled under his exuberant praise. “Ah, well one day I will tell that secret to your lovely future wife.”

James felt his mood dip strangely. He put it down to the argument he had with Lily last night, they seemed even further away from getting back to together than they had before.

Possibly seeing his face drop and misconstruing it, Euphemia added quickly, “Or husband.”

James plastered a smile to his face, no need to worry his mum about it. “How’s Dad?”

Euphemia sighed fondly. “Working on another potion. I would call him up to see you, but you know how he gets. Last time I almost got my eyebrows burnt off when I went get him in the middle of brewing.” She checks her watch. “He should be up soon anyway for lunch.”

“How’s Sirius?”

James grinned, his favorite subject. His mother and he spent an enjoyable half an hour discussing Sirius. Other people often got bored after a bit of Sirius talk, but James felt he could talk to his mum about it all day and they would both still be entertained by the end.

Eventually, Fleamont surfaced from his lab, with his hair even more messy than usual and a suspicious looking green stain on his robes. Euphemia disappeared into the kitchen to get them all lunch.

“Lovely to see you, James.” Fleamont said, bending down to give James a hug. James shifted to avoid coming into contact with the stain.

“You too, Dad.”

“How’s the leg?”

“Infuriating.” James said scowling at the reminder. He was still annoyed that it had cut his first season with Puddlemere short. He sighed. “But its fine, they’ve given me plenty of pain potions for when it hurts, and Sirius can brew me more anyway, if I need them. They say another couple weeks or so, and I should be able to ditch the crutches at least. Will be months before I can properly play again through. I wouldn’t mind so much if I could more than just sit around home.”

Fleamont gave him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. Euphemia returned with a piled plate of assorted sandwiches.

+++

It was almost dark by the time James returned home, on his shoulder a bag laden with plastic containers of his mother’s cooking and baking.

The apartment was still dark, and James was disheartened to discover Sirius still hadn’t returned home.

Thankfully James didn’t have to wait long for him to do so. He was just packing away the last of his mothers cooking in the fridge when there was the crack of apparation and the sound of the front door opening.

“Hi.” James said in greeting.

Sirius gave him a small smile, before collapsing with graceless elegance on the couch. He looked unfairly attractive sprawled out long limbed on the couch. His eyes were closed so James allowed himself a moment to drink it in.

“How’d it go?” James asked eventually.

Sirius’s dark eyes snapped open. “Awful. It always just observing. When are we actually going to do _something_?” He sighed, running a hand over his face. “Sorry, I’m just tired.”

He did look exhausted, James noted, feeling annoyed at Dumbledore again.

“Want some food?” James asked.

Sirius nodded. “What have we got?”

“Well, I just got back from mum’s so loads of stuff.” James said.

They spent a couple of minutes bickering over what to have. In the end Sirius let James win, obviously too tired to put much effort into asserting his preference. James gleefully cast a heating charm on two generous slices of his mum’s famous meatloaf.

James told Sirius about the goings on at his parents’ place, as Sirius seemed too tired to participate much in a conversation. In the end, Sirius fell asleep on the couch his meal only halfway done. Not one to waste his mother’s cooking James ate the left-over food. For dessert, James decided to have one of his mother’s pastries. He summoned the container over to his position on the couch with the intention to only have one or two as a reward for his restraint earlier at breakfast and at his parents.

He tried not to watch Sirius sleep too much as he ate. It was difficult. Sirius really was beautiful when asleep, tranquil and still as he never was when awake.

James shook his head to clear it and was surprised to find, instead of having only a couple, he had ended up eating all six pastries and was in fact starting to feel quite queasy. Disappointed in himself he used his wand to send the plates and empty container to sink. He spared on last look at Sirius’s sleeping form. Usually he would have hovered him upstairs to bed, but these days getting up the stairs to Sirius’s room was a challenge. Instead he settled for summoning a blanket and throwing it over him, before trudging to his room.

+++

The weeks that followed were mostly typified by boredom. Sirius, Remus, Peter and Lily were all largely caught up in the Order or work and James was mostly left to his own devices. His planned reduction in his eating had its ups and downs as well. He tried, he really did, but he was alternatively bored and worried about his friends and he frequently found himself eating more than he planned more to distract himself. But he was mindful of it at least, he thought to himself, that had to count for something surely.

Thankfully three weeks after his visit to his parents, the healer cleared him walking without crutches and light activity. It was such an enormous relief he almost hugged the poor startled healer.

So, for the first time in months James apparated with Sirius to attend the order meeting rather than waiting bored at home. Sirius’s got drawn off by Benjy the minute the entered the safehouse. James tried not to be too put out by that. Instead he looked around the room, smiling and waving at a few familiar faces he hadn’t seen in a while.

“James Potter?” Asked a shocked voice behind him.

“Oh, hello Marlene.” James said pleasantly.

“So, it is you?” Marlene said, her voice still surprised.

“Yes of course.” James said frowning and confused.

She gave a low whistle, for the first time James noticed she was running her eyes over his robe clad body. He shifted self-consciously under her probing gaze.

“Well Lily mentioned you were enjoying your time off. I didn’t think it would be this much though.”

James felt his face burn with embarrassment. He tried to open his mouth to defend himself, say something back, anything, but no words were forthcoming.

“Fuck off, Marlene.” Sirius said angrily, suddenly at his elbow.

Marlene gave Sirius a slow smile that James did not like. Lily had always mentioned that she thought Sirius and Marlene would be excellent together. Marlene had made it perfectly clear she thought similarly.

“Come on, James, I’ve got us seats over here.” Sirius said steering them away and completely ignoring Marlene’s blatant appreciative looks.

James gave Remus and Peter a tight smile and sat down the free chair Sirius had led him to. His fleeting enjoyment of being back in the thick of things had completely disappeared, he wished he had just stayed home.

“You alright?” Sirius asked in an undertone, taking seat next to him.

“Fine.” James muttered, still feeling stung.

“Marlene’s always been a bit of a bitch, she had no right to…” Sirius begun his voice quiet but heated.

“Just drop it ok.” James hissed, anger flaring.

Sirius fell immediately silent. James then felt guilty as well as mortified.

Luckily, he was saved from any further embarrassment by Dumbledore taking the stand. James who had been kept fairly up to date with the Order going ons by Sirius, followed the reports relatively well despite his months of absence. Even with his foreknowledge it was sobering. They were making headway in some ways, the Ministry had agreed to work with them, they had uncovered more and more Death Eater identities and even managed to incarcerate a few. But they were still to slow in responding to attacks there were still too many unnecessary deaths, especially muggle deaths. 

After Dumbledore had finished speaking and the reports were done the room erupted in conversations once more. Once again, Sirius got pulled away in conversation this time by Moody and another auror James thought was called Kingsley. James watched them sadly. It used to be him and Sirius both who would be pulled into such conversations.

“How’ve you been?” Peter’s squeaky voice interrupted him.

James sighed. “Fine. Look, I’m just gonna go. Tell Sirius I went home.” He let his eyes wonder back to where Sirius was adsorbed in his conversation with the aurors. “If he even asks.”

+++

James cast every locking charm he knew his bedroom door. Finally satisfied that no-one would burst in on him, James slowly and with great trepidation stripped off his robes. He steeled himself and walked in front of his full-length bedroom mirror, the one he had been studiously avoiding for weeks.

He gulped. This was not an extra 10 pounds. He didn’t look slightly padded, he looked downright chubby. Bigger than he had ever been for sure, possibly even bigger than Wormtail had been at the end of their seventh year after he had stress eaten throughout their entire third term.

He poked at his rounded stomach, it was soft and plyable. His thighs were heavy rubbing together as he walked, his hips rounded with love handles, even his arms and chest looked puffy and padded out with bulk. He inspected his face, even there he could see changes. His jaw line had softened, his cheeks had padded out, there was even the hint of a double chin.

Miserable, he sat on his bed burying his head in his heads. Mortifyingly he felt tears begin to gather in his eyes.

He heard when Sirius came home and ignored him when he tried to talk to him through the door. When eventually Sirius gave up and went upstairs to bed, instead of feeling the relief he thought he would, James just felt sadder and lonelier.

+++

James hardly slept. He had skipped dinner, so he was not only miserable all night, he was also starving.

At dawn he gave up tossing and turning in bed. He was momentarily surprised to see Sirius already in the kitchen when he came out. Sirius looked at him hopefully over his mug. James almost smiled back, but then he recalled the previous night, and glared at him instead.

He stomped into the kitchen to fix his own cup of tea. All he wanted was bacon and eggs, but he stubbornly ignored his cravings, they were what got him in this position in the first place. James banged around the kitchen, taking out his aggression on his mug, the teapot, the kitchen cupboards.

“Where is the fucking earl grey?” James shouted, after a short, angry and unsuccessful search. “Sirius?!”

“Its in the cupboard over the sink.”

Sirius’s voice was so dreadfully unhappy James couldn’t help back look at him. Sirius looked back at him contritely from under his long thick lashes and Merlin it was completely unfair how gorgeous he looked doing that. With difficulty James turned away resting his arms on the sink, his anger draining from him leaving behind misery.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” James heard himself say, heartbroken.

He could hear Sirius come up behind him, but he didn’t touch him.

“I’m sorry James, I just I figured you knew and were ok with.”

James let out a humorless laugh, spinning back to face his friend.

“Sure. That sounds reasonable.”

Sirius flinched. “And…” he continued in a small voice dropping his gaze.

“And?” James commanded after it became clear Sirius wouldn’t continue without prompting.

James studied his friend, Sirius looked as frightened as he ever got, pale and fidgetily. James was taken aback. What could be so awful that Sirius was this scared to tell him?

Sirius met his eyes abruptly. James was surprised anew by the turmoil reflect in their grey depths.

“And I liked it ok.”

“What?” James said feeling unsteadied.

“I’ve watched you deprive yourself and push yourself for years for quidditch. And with Puddlemere it was even worse, you were exhausted all the time, they had you so caught up in the meal plan they made you have that you wouldn’t even allow yourself a butterbeer on the weekend, let alone dessert or an occasional sugar quill of any of the other things you love. They wouldn’t even let you play half the time, even through you have more talent in one hand than the entire rest of the team combined.”

Sirius cut himself off abruptly, unwilling to meet James’s eyes.

James for his part felt oddly touched about Sirius’s description of his quidditch talent. Until he remembered the rest of it.

“That’s all well and good.” James forced himself to say. “But having the odd sugar quill is much different to what has happened here and you know that, Sirius.”

Sirius if anything slumped further into himself. James watched, the part that enjoyed observing Sirius was intrigued. He had never seen Sirius so cut up about anything before.

“You’re right.” Sirius said finally, running a shaking hand through his hair. “Of course, you’re right.”

Sirius seemed to take a steadying breath. “I didn’t only like that you got to enjoy yourself. I also… I liked what it did you. I always like what you look like, but this, this was mine, Lily didn’t get to see you relaxing after a full meal on the couch, only I got that.”

James felt shaken by the mention of Lily, he had hardly thought of her at all. _In weeks._

But once he moved passed that, he was dumbfounded by the even bigger revelation. “You like how I look?”

Sirius exhaled in a weak imitation of amusement. “That’s an understatement.” He muttered under his breath.

James thought of all the times he had covertly studied Sirius, all the appreciative glances over the years. For the first time he considered he might not have been the only one of them doing that.

“Oh.” James said, his thoughts racing.

This seemed to jerk Sirius out of his thoughts.

“James, you don’t… I don’t expect anything.” Sirius said quickly. “I know you and Lily, you’re going to find your way back to each other. And it’s fine… good, I mean, good. You two are made for each other. I didn’t want you to ever find out. I’ve made a mess of that, obviously.”

Sirius looked at James imploringly.

James couldn’t respond, his thoughts too tangled to find anything coherent enough to form words from.

“But nothing has to change if you don’t want it to.” Sirius continued, his voice tinged with desperation. “We can just forget this ever happened. I can help you lose the weight, or keep it, or whatever you want to do. I can fix this.”

“Or I can leave.” Sirius looked away, devasted. “Of course, I understand if you need time. I understand if you hate me. I just, I hope you can forgive me, eventually…”

“Sirius, stop.” James said, finally re-finding his voice and grabbing Sirius’s arm.

James had seen Sirius spiral before, had watched him talk himself in circles and dig himself deeper and deeper into self-loathing. It had been a while, and James had also received a bit of a shock, but later he would think that was still not enough an excuse for how long it took for him to notice and respond, to stop it.

Sirius was breathing heavily still staring at the floor.

“Stop. Its ok.” James said, he pushed away the overwhelming urge to hug him, instead just lifted his chin to stare into the grey depths of Sirius’s eyes.

“Of course, I don’t hate you, you silly mutt. I could never hate you. Never.” James said, trying to put all the conviction that he felt into his voice and his gaze. The panicked look slowly left Sirius’s eyes and James was pleased at least some of what he had been saying got through.

They stood there, in their tiny kitchen, breathing heavily as if they had run a marathon. James was barely touching him, but all the places they were touching seemed to burn.

Sirius stepped back. He shook his head.

“That’s good. Um, I’ll just get us some tea then.” Sirius said, his voice was still slightly wavery, but he was trying to make his tone light.

James watched him bustle around the kitchen and realized this was it. This was the crossroads. Sirius hadn’t been bluffing, he was absolutely prepared to completely pretend this hadn’t happened. He would go back to being just James’s friend in a heartbeat, he would support James through whatever it took for him to lose the extra pounds he had gained, he would help him get Lily back.

And he would never mention it again.

James felt gutted.

It would be easy to just leave it. Think about it later, decide later. It was after all a rather large shift in James’s world view. It was probably something that he should think about for more than a couple of minutes. There was no going back if he took the plunge, Sirius was his best friend and James could not stand the thought of hurting him. However, if he went down that path, his long time fantasy of a cosy cottage with a gaggle of black haired, green eyed children would be wiped off the board. But James realized that he hadn’t really thought about that cottage for a long time, although the image still pulled at his heartstrings there was something that pulled at him more.

James squared his shoulders. He wasn’t sorted into Gryffindor for naught. Sirius had got them some of the way now it was his turn.

“Padfoot?” James said.

“Mmm?” Sirius said, giving the process of making tea far more attention that it warranted.

James was hit with such a powerful wave of fondness, that he was suddenly completely confident that he had made the right choice.

“Leave the tea.” James said, reaching out and pulling him away. Sirius reluctantly let himself be guided into the dining room and their small dining table.

James fiddled with the fraying sleeves of his pajamas for a minute trying to find the best way to start.

“I like the way you look too.” James blurted out. He cringed slightly, but at least Sirius was looking at him now. Sirius watched him with an intensity that made James feel slightly lightheaded. “I watch you. A lot. And I think maybe you’ve been watching me too.”

Sirius gave him a slow nod, still watching him intently as if he were a fascinating new piece of magic.

“Who knew we would both be so good at keeping our stares a secret?” James joked trying to lighten the intensity of the mood that had fallen over the room. “Mum wouldn’t believe it if I told her, she thinks I’m as subtle as a rampaging erumpent.”

Sirius’s lips softened, almost upturned. James took that as a good sign.

“I think maybe I haven’t been completely honest with myself. Or anyone really.” James ran a hand through his hair distractedly.

Sirius’s lips are distinctly quirked now, James can’t help but smile back tentatively, relief coursing through him.

James looked at Sirius and forced himself to say it. “I don’t think I want to date Lily again.”

“James…” Sirius interrupted.

“No.” James said. “Not just because of this… I just…. We weren’t actually that good with each other.” James admitted and it hurt. “I think she deserves better and I do too.”

Before Sirius can interrupt again James continued. “I’ve hardly even thought about her since that night at Wormtail’s. I’ve been too caught up thinking about…”

James wrapped the last of his tattered courage around him like a cloak.

“Well, you, to be honest.”

Sirius’s answering smile was so soft, so lovely, it almost broke James’s heart.

“Yeah?” Sirius asked softly.

“Yes.” James said firmly.

“Can I kiss you?”

“I’d been insulted if you didn’t.”

+++

James felt more content than he had in a very, very long time. Sirius was kissing, biting and licking at the join between his shoulder and neck, James shivered. They were both exhausted from their earlier activities so James expected it wasn’t going to lead anywhere but it still felt amazing. Sirius’s hand was wondering again, rubbing over the expanse of his stomach, his mouth moving down to his chest biting into the excess flesh he found there.

Despite his earlier assessment of his new body, James found that he couldn’t really work up any of his previous self-loathing for his heftier form with Sirius worshipping it so meticulously.

“I’m going to have to lose it, you know.” James said as Sirius licked torturous circles around his left nipple and squeezed at his ample love handles.

Sirius lifted his head to pout pretty at James.

James laughed. “At least some of it.”

“Why?”

“You know why. Quidditch. It’s my destiny.”

Sirius rolled his eyes good naturedly.

“But I think maybe you’re a bit right too. I might look at another club. The Cannons have a couple of positions going this season and their line up seems to be a bit more inclusive.” If the league leader board was anything to go by you didn’t need abs to play quidditch.

“Afterall I don’t completely want to give up sugar quills again. Or butterbeer.” James admitted.

Sirius’s grinned, his teeth sharp. James laughed.

He grabbed a fistful of Sirius’s unfairly beautiful black silky hair and pulled him up for a searing kiss. Wondering again how he had gone so many years without this and with every intention of making up for it.


End file.
